Happy Hours

“You’re about as happy as you decide to be”. “Somebody told me if you make up your mind you won’t have a nervous breakdown, you won’t”! How many times have you heard that before? I can tell you from personal experience that when you are in the depths of depression,  well meaning statements like that makes is easy for a lot of people to feel like they are not willing themselves hard enough to be “happy”! Turned out my unhappiness was rooted in hormones, and all the deciding and self willing in the world wouldn’t have done anything but, I get the general idea if you don’t have something like mental illness or chemical imbalance. Willing yourself to look at the bright side if your having a down day, is at the other end of the spectrum of a dark, deep depression and saying things like that are detrimental to suffers.

I watched a documentary called Happy, awhile ago. I was so surprised to hear that the average guy in the slums of Calcutta are as happy as the average guy in America. Think of that…the Indian man that is slopping through the streets on a run, pulling other people more fortunate than he is no less…is as happy as someone living in the richest country in the world (at the moment anyway)! He said something like, I have a good life, my house is covered on three sides and when my baby son sees me coming… he yells “baba” and that makes me feel like the I am rich and not poor. I have friends and I like my life!

I rewound that three times! I thought wow, we need our butts kicked in this country! People are no happier now that they were fifty years ago with much less, even here in America, the Happy documentary said.

Ed Diener PHD, says we all have a happiness “set point” in our genes that accounts for 50% of our happiness. Circumstances such as our jobs, where we live etc, only account for 10% of our overall happiness. That leaves the last 40% for intentional behavior and other things that add to our happiness or detract from it.

Happiness helps us reach our other goals. Sometimes we turn that around and think reaching our goals is what brings us happiness. Sometimes we fall into thinking money, image and status is what will make us happy when it really is more about personal growth, the people we love, and a sense of community.

I ask you all, what falls in your 40% of intentional behavior that makes you happy? And more than that... what could you do about doing more of it, to make the most of your God given time here the happiest it can be?

I was blessed, truly blessed… from the torturous time I spent in the hospital with postpartum depression in 1979! It took me many years to see it that way… but not a day of my life has been wasted or taken for granted since. Backing out of the driveway and seeing my Mother’s trembling wave, standing in the doorway with my six week old baby girl in one arm and my frightened three year old son clinging to Grandmas leg is still blazoned in my mind. I wondered if I’d ever be back… I really did. I felt like I was looking at life through a long tube of some sort. I hadn’t slept for three days and this was going to be the forth!

When I was at the bottom of the dark black hole, I just didn’t crawl out of it overnight…I crawled, scratched, and prayed my way out over an eight year period! The hormones that put me there didn't last that long but the trama of panic attacks did because I was scared to ever feel that bad again! Over the eight years I felt happier at times,  slid back, creeped forward, back down again… and slowly rebuilt my confidence to go out alone, drive alone etc. Once I got up, I cherished every day that was a good one and I have never stopped.

I have always liked to do things for other people, which is why I really enjoyed being a nurses aide,  a school aide, cleaning houses, studying social work and being a wife and Mom so much. All of those are based on what you can do for others. About eight years ago however, I decided to put myself on the same page with all the people I loved taking care of. My happiness increased immensely after that, it really did. I am not selfish about it ( I don‘t think), I just deal myself in the game now, when I have the chance to be the dealer. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to do for others, but when that’s all you do…you can get angry, bitter and burned out!

I have many things I enjoy as well as my family… such as my spirituality, making gratitude lists, eating better, music, my horse, making jewelry, writing, reading, playing games, face book, TV time and time with my sisters and their kids. All of those add to my 40% intentional behavior that is adding to my own happiness. I still have things I want to do for others, but I am enjoying doing for Easton at the moment.

I challenge you…think about, pray about, adding some intentional behaviors that would add to your happiness. Our being happy one person at a time, only adds to the worlds over all happiness. And more is always better when it comes to happiness! So cheers to not one here and there, but lots of "happy hours"!

　





　

The Plain Truth

Rose and Harry Bruhn
 

At the risk of sounding like my maternal Grandma, Rose Bruhn, who was sure she was living in the end times…am I the only one on the planet that thinks something has shifted in the world? That Satan is closer and more active than ever? Could these be the end times Grandma and the Bible predicted or is this the tip of the iceberg of what we will see before Jesus comes again? Could I just be showing my age, and longing for the “good old days” that are probably a lot sweeter when viewed from the rear view mirror?

My Mothers parents came to America from Germany. My Grandma was from the Catholic faith and my Grandfather's family was Lutheran. After they got married Grandma joined Grandpas Lutheran church, but she was always Catholic in her heart. When I was a young girl, my Grandparents lived in Blaisdell, ND and then later in Palermo, ND. Grandpa Harry had been gassed in the war and was also  a long time, “roll your own”  King Edwards(in the red tin can) tobacco smoker. He was left with COPD, and  could hardly walk towards the end of his life. He had a cane that had a fold out seat on it to sit down and rest. Day after day, he sat in his arm chair at the end of the table, and made rings out of quarters, beads out of paper, marble boards and peg games for all his Grandchildren.


My Grandma, who wasn’t very warm and fuzzy (neither were really), buried herself in God and what we as people were doing and what was pleasing to God. Her green plastic couch was covered in rugs, the local Minot Daily newspapers from the past few days, her worn Bible, and all her religious magazines. She struggled with depression and her faith kept her going. On the back of the couch proudly sat her pillows she got from Earl in the service, and over on the buffet her clock from Lawrence when he was in the “service”. Gilbert too served in the armed forces.  They were so proud of those boys. She subscribed to the Plain Truth magazine, and donated money to Oral Roberts ministries. She loved Oral Roberts, a television evangelist/ who sometimes healed people right on TV! Her tattered, underlined, fragile, Bible had almost as many side notes a dictionary. Rosary beads with a cross on the end of them were always close by. Privately Grandma still said all the Catholic prayers, touching each bead as she went. Fervently Grandma swore we were living in the end times, and that was in the late sixties and early seventies,  so I wonder if that’s something old people do… get paranoid about the world we are in, and think it must be the end times. Or has something shifted?

Besides all the school shootings, and the Boston marathon bombing this past weekend, all of which are incomprehensible, many people just seem to be volatile and unstable! Being polite and kind is  practically non existent. We were in Minneapolis over the weekend. We took a shuttle back and forth from the hotel to the mall for three days. In the evening especially, it was cold and lots of us were waiting to get on the shuttle. People were so rude, and all about themselves! The first night I had the stroller and of course in the middle of a stampede for the bus, I got nervous and  forgot how to fold it up, as I really haven’t used Sydney’s stroller that much. I held up the line for a minute trying to fold it so the driver wouldn’t have to figure it out. One young lady bellered out, “this is why I don’t have children”. I didn’t justify her with an answer and this part has taken me years but… it went off my back like water on a duck. I try not to let peoples ignorance soak into my skin. I just thought, and thank God you don’t because you have no patience, and let it go.

The next night my sister was really loaded down with shopping, bags because she was carrying the bags for all of us.  I had the baby, Syd had the stroller this time( yep not doing that again) and Tiffany had our cupcakes from the winners of Cupcake Wars that we were going to try when we got back to the hotel. One of Kathy’s bags brushed a man sitting on a bench ( there was a day he would have offered to let her sit with all the bags), but instead he said, “excuse me your bag is touching me”!  We looked at each other and thought, Oh gee, hope you aren’t injured! The bus ride back that night was a beautiful experience and I mean that. The driver had grown up in Southwest Europe and was so fun to listen too. In the passenger seat the rider was the drivers polar opposite. He was the most negative man you could ever meet. The negative man started out by bragging about how he’d never married and therefore hadn’t divorced so was still, “pretty well off”. The driver told about traveling to India and how the people there are trying to be like us westerners and have cell phones, cars etc. which is making for more chaos in an already overpopulated society because now there are cars mixed in with the bikes, and rickshaws and pedestrians. The negative passenger went on with how cold its been on this, his first winter spent up north in years, and that people have to be nuts to live here! The nice driver came back with its been cold all over…India, Europe. The whole ride was back and forth from a positive thinking man to a negative one. Definitely an eye opener about how you can choose to look at the same world.

The last night catching the shuttle, stroller in tow again, except it was all folded up already. I set it against the door and we were all getting on. Kathy said to the driver, “oh and we have a stroller here too” . The driver reached in front of her to get it right then,  forcing Kathy to take a step back and people were crowding her so badly to get on the bus that there was barely any room to back up. A lady in the crowd says loudly to surrounding people, “look out you’re going to get backed over”! Kathy turned back and said, we’ll then don’t stand so close to me! Later it was still bothering Kathy that she had responded angrily! We all tried to reassure her she didn’t say anything wrong. Her statement was true, why have to tell somebody to back up? Everybody is going to get on the bus or the driver will come back…it's that simple!

Before that when Syd and I were getting on the plane in PHX, this couple was constantly trying to jump the line. The airline calls you on in an order of your ticket. We were gate checking the stroller which meant Sydney would wheel it all the way to the door of the plane, but then would have to stop, take Easton in his car seat out, fold the stroller up, give it to the attendant, pick up the baby in the car seat and get on the plane. Ten or twelve people were already bunched up at the plane door anyway so no one was walking right on the plane. When Syd turned to fold up the stroller this same couple actually started stepping over Easton sitting in his car seat on the floor. My hands were full with the diaper bag and my purse.  Sydney turned into a mother BEAR and angrily said, “stay back and wait a minute”! They stopped and stared at her like, oh you mean we can’t just step over your car seat WITH A BABY IN IT?! Gez, people!

I’m serious, either I have inherited my Grandmas thinking, or Satan is closer than he’s ever been. You see extreme kindness that you now wonder if you can even trust, because of all the extreme violence. A lot of people seem to be walking around about to snap, and I personally  believe it is because they are void of having learned any moral compass. A compass that only comes from learning about God, and having parents that make your values about what kind of person you are deep inside,  rather than a title, and how much money you make. We need to put away the push to get to the top and arrive in first place, no matter what it takes to accomplish that. Something’s amiss in the world, I wish I knew exactly what... and what to do about it. I try to remind myself there are many different cultures here in America now, so it may not be only manners but cultural differences. I don't have the answers,  but God help us figure it out, we need him now more than ever.

Currency, What's Yours?

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When you hear the word currency you are probably like me, and think of money and only money. Different money for different countries yes, but it’s all about money of some sort. It might be green paper money, colorful paper money or coins. Today, I had a thought in the middle of loading the dishwasher while watching the dogs romping around. I had the thought that every living thing has currency of some sort…even dogs.

As children we start to learn what our personal currency is from parents, teachers and peers. What traits and gifts do we possess and have to offer the world, that are uniquely ours? What do our classmates like about us? Am I pretty? Am I smart? Can I make people laugh? Is sports my thing? Am I a singer….a dancer maybe? What gifts have I been blessed with that I can exchange to gain other peoples approval of me?

Sadly, as a child you also pick up the faults and negative personal traits you have to work around that detract from others approval of us. Sometimes the scale seems a bit unbalanced and people seem to have more of one than the other. Have you ever felt like some people have all the blessings and others all the hardship? I have felt that way many times and still do at my age. But some of the people with the least have the most when it comes to love and kindness.

As I said before, I have always seen myself as Roseanne type. By the time I started high school I was well aware that I was chubby, had crappy teeth and was not athletic to say the least! Because, I had low self esteem I wasn’t aware of any gifts I had at that time. I internally beat myself up all the time. Sad to say, it wasn’t until I hit FIFTY and lived through the growing up of my beautiful talented kids, that did the same thing I did…and dwelled on the bad and seemed oblivious to their currency like most of us seem to do! As a Mom, all I saw was their currency, and it drove me nuts when they were hard on themselves... but I have taught them well, in that department.

When I was fifty, I found my old high school annuals. I paged through them and saw myself in a whole new light! I wondered if just probably I wasn’t as horrible as I thought myself to be. I decided to page though it objectively. I held offices in my class all four years, I had friends…friends that all wrote in my messages that I would make a great social worker! Loving music, I always took band and choir and was editor of our high school paper. I saw myself as somewhere in the middle for the first time and was completely happy there. Too bad it took me so long to see it! Since that day, I see us all in a totally different way. I am not the worst and I’m not the best and neither is anyone else! We try to do the best with the good qualities and the bad traits we have to be our best self. EVERYONE has shortcomings and EVERYONE has personal currency…something or something’s we can offer other people and the world. If we hold all people in high regard, then we could accept other peoples shortcomings and enjoy their currency without jealousy, because we realize we are all blessed with different things and one is no better than another.

The purpose of this post is to encourage anyone who reads it,  to take stock of your currency, your good qualities. Don’t wait to write a resume to begin to think of any good qualities you “might” possess, and then wonder if they are even true... because to confess that you are good at anything seems boastful and wrong. I finally freed myself from most of my insecurity and put myself on the same page as I put others. If I say I am going to hold everyone in high regard that includes me, and occasionally I still have to remind myself of that fact!

Back to the dogs, romping around outside while I wash dishes…Papi has a kind, gentle, loving spirit.  On the other hand he has the most annoying habit of  peeing a little puddle if you talk to him at all, but his positive currency overrides that completely. Barbie is a typical female Chihuahua… bossy, distant, loyal and ornery. But her beautiful doe like eyes melt your whole being, and all the negative goes right over your head and out of your heart. I’m pretty sure it works the same way with humans don't you think? 

Unsolved Mystery

Remember Unsolved Mysteries? The TV show aired from 1987 to 2002, and told of strange happenings not accounted for. Robert Stacks baritone voice and terse jaw added to the mystery, intrigue, and creepy nature of the show. Kerry and I have our own Unsolved Mystery.

Kerry and I got married when I was fresh out of high school and eighteen, and he was twenty and had just graduated mechanics trade college in Williston. We got married on a Saturday and spent Sunday seeing off our family, that had come from out of state for our wedding. To poor for a honeymoon, and probably no days off besides, we both went back to our jobs in Minot Monday morning.

Two years later, after saving enough money for a vacation we took off in our 1969 Pontiac Bonneville with a gazillion miles on it for Phoenix to visit Marcy and Jerry. Their first daughter Heidi was about a year and a half old and we were dying to see her and Marcy was pregnant with their second child.

The trip started out great! We were singing to the radio and cruising down the road, leaving ND in the rear view mirror. Gosh, we were adults we thought on our first vacation together. We planned to stay overnight only one night in Walsenburg, Colo., which is halfway to Phoenix. Near a little Wyoming town called Chugwater, our singing stopped when the car crapped out! Seeing Kerry under the hood, a nice Mormon couple picked him up and took him into Wheatland to see if he could get parts for it while I stayed with the car guarding our treasured belongings. Kerry got parts, while the people went to church. Finally, they returned and I anxiously hoped the car would start as the couple shined their lights on our car and Kerry worked on it. Turned out it was the water pump -which Kerry couldn’t fix himself, so we had to stay over night in Chugwater and get a mechanic the next day. I called Mom, wailing that we didn’t have money for major repairs on the car! She came through and said she’d send some money for us to borrow to Marcy so we had some once we got there.

Back on the road we drove on to Walsenburg, Colo a day behind now. It was about one am by the time we pulled into the main street hotel. We rang the bell at the desk and tousled haired, elderly man, came out and sold us a room for sixty dollars, ( three 20.00 travelers checks). Lugging our suitcases, we climbed the steps, and opened the door to the room. peering into the darkness and   fumbling for a light switch, we see from the hallway light... a bulb with a chain hanging from the ceiling. Kerry walked over and pulled the chain. Looking around in disbelief, we see 2x4 walls and a bed, thats it! Obviously overpriced for 60.00 we went back down and dinged the bell until the unhappy old man came out again and we demanded our money back! He wanted to give us the travelers checks we gave him back, and we wanted cash as they were written to him already…he finally conceded and gave us the cash, so he could go back to bed and we were back out on the road at 2am.

Driving on to Aurora, Co and getting low on gas we decided to stop and have coffee, caffeine up and wait for a gas station to open. We decided to just drive straight through as its already so late to get a room and who wanted to sleep around these parts?.Here’s the unsolved mystery part…we walked up the steps to a porch like landing to the little Mom and Pop type coffee shop and opened the door, everyone in there looked dead! Twelve people or more all slumped over tables.... no blood however. Even the cook in the window was slumped out of the window. I looked at Kerry and he at me in disbelief, and said, “lets get the hell out of here”! We ran as fast as we could to his side of the car…he put the key in the lock and locked and unlocked it about three times while I jumped up and down eager to get in and annoyed at his messing up at a time like this. Happy to be alive, we peeled out of there and drove uptown further until we saw another diner. This one had cop cars there and officers were having coffee inside. We went in, sat in a booth and ordered coffee and laughed like hyenas about what had just happened. In hind sight, why didn’t we tell the cops? We just didnt want to be involved or take up time we needed to get on the road as soon as the gas station opened! We to this day don’t know if we were pranked, or something had happened but it makes for a good family story. We searched the news and no mention of such a thing.

We went on to Phoenix, and had a fun visit with the little Walton family, camping and enjoying the city of Phoenix. On the way home after more car trouble in Green River, We stopped in Glenrock, Wyoming and visited Kerry’s Dad. While there I felt sick and stayed home from a planned outing because I thought I had the flu. It turned out I was pregnant with our first child Brendon! We’d been married two years and were so ready for a baby. Oh happy day, Oh happy trip! …we were young and adventurous and had a good time and were blessed with our bouncing baby boy besides!

Hell's Angels wannabes

But back to the unsolved mystery. As Robert Stack would ask in his creepiest voice…Was there a mass murder in the little town of Aurora Colorado on June 1, 1975 or were Kerry and Pam Picek victims of a cruel hoax buy a bunch of locals at a coffee shop? You be the judge…ha.

The Best Cure For Insomnia Is To Get A Lot Of Sleep!

The Best Cure For Insomnia Is To Get A Lot Of Sleep! That quote by W.C.Fields is funny but true.
Insomnia... it sounds like a tranquil word doesn’t it? Certainly not something closer to torture! If you are plagued with this nasty condition,  insomnia and tranquil don’t belong in the same sentence... no matter how its used! Insomnia is a common condition in which you have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or both. It’s a common thread woven throughout our family of anxiety ridden, can’t shut your mind down, energy fluctuating worry warts such as us!


My first memories of “not being able to sleep” are from childhood. Mom would make Kathy and I lay down for naps. I hated that word!  I spent my time either laying there gazing at Kathy sleeping peacefully, or checking Big Ben! That was my nap routine. Mom’s alarm clock called a Big Ben flashed light before it rang. I never heard it ring in all my life, because one flash and she was up and dressed. At nap time I watched the golden second hand go around and around. How I wished it would go faster. After laying there an eternity already, Mom would invariably appear out of nowhere to check and see if we were sleeping, because she wanted to sneak out and get the milk cows. After the same quick  daily scolding about, “how was I going to sleep without my eyes closed” she left…so I closed them until she went after the cows and I went back to watching the clock.

Marcy and I joke about her pinching me on Christmas eve when she was a teen and I was about five or six because I wouldn’t go to sleep so Santa could come. I would beg and plead with somebody to let me sleep with them because the night didn’t seem so long.The thing about insomnia besides being tired the next day is the torture of feeling so alone ALL NIGHT LONG! The whole rest of the world is sleeping and it feels like you’re the only one awake. Occasionally Kathy would give in and let me sleep in her room but that was usually short lived because I would get over on her half of the bed, and she’d send me packing back to my room.

In high school I would go on dates and come home and sleep downstairs with Mom. Way to wound up to sleep, I’d tell her all about the date, until she’d finally say, “No, we better go to sleep the birds are starting to sing”!

When I worked at Trinity hospital, I worked nights and lay awake days when I was supposed to sleep. I worked three nights in a row so by day four, relieved to be done, I’d sleep hard and long. When I cooked at the school, I would have to get up about 4:30 am so for an insomniac that’s about when you might be falling asleep! I never went to that job with any sleep and thank God I was only a substitute, because I don’t know how I’d have done it all the time. Working at Mirage elementary school,  some days I could hardly stay awake during story time or calendar because I hadn’t slept the night before.

So far, this sounds like a minor annoyance problem but it really has been a big problem that has kept me from doing a lot of things in my life. If I know I have something going on I will for sure not sleep unless I take something and any insomniac knows you can’t take the same thing or it won’t work more than a few nights. I have tried it all, melatonin, Tylenol pm with out the Tylenol, Benadryl, tranquilizers, ambien you name it and it all works for awhile. Alcohol doesn’t work it makes it worse, and for somebody that’s only been drunk a couple times in my life that isn‘t an option, because I never feel good from alcohol. I have given over my problems to God, prayed about it, stopped caffeine, worried about it, and not worried about sleeping by taking on a, “who cares, you will sleep when your tired attitude”. I have the little sign that says “let God worry about it he stays up all night anyway”. I have Faith, its not fear that keeps me up, it’s just an energy that won’t shut down….NOTHING WORKS!

My poor son Brendon has it bad as well. He too has had it since he was young. He used to lay in bed and yell to me, “Mom if something happens will you tell me what it is”? Or sing to me from his room just to keep me awake so he wasn’t alone. When he had surgery you know how your konked out the whole day after surgery? Not him…he came out awake and stayed awake all day and way into the next night! Poor guy winds up looking like this picture more than once because of lack of sleep. We won’t say what I look like because its a lot worse than this dude!

I have had sleep studies done and I went into REM sleep for 1 minute one time and 2 minutes the second. They have no solutions…just that it’s a common problem. A common problem that really disrupts your life! I hate to make plans because that’s a given I won’t sleep the night before. I don’t like to sleep with anybody because I will probably have my kindle lit up in their face all night long or be jumping up and down all night.

This was my itinerary last night. Took a Tylenol without the Tylenol (I don’t know what that medicine is called) about ten o’clock. Went to bed at eleven and went right to sleep, … until three! Went to the bathroom and not really sleepy, so looked at facebook on my kindle and left a couple comments. Laid down the kindle and said to myself, “get to sleep”. Tossed around until four o’clock. Thought of playing song pop but then decided I’d probably lose because the kindle is so slow to buzz in, so fired up the kindle and played a slot game. Played that for an hour, have 9643 monies on that game... but  I quit because if I heard that Hawaiian song play one more time as the reels spun, I would lose my desire to go to Hawaii! I found another with a Egyptian theme. Played that until I was bored silly. I shut the Kindle off again and turned upside down on my bed, right under the ceiling fan, snuggled down into the covers and laid there. Said prayers for the second time in the same order I’ve said them in for 55 years or so and added a personal one for people I knew that were suffering. Tortured by the nothingness I fired up the kindle again and checked face book at 5:55! When I saw it was 5:55 I angrily shut the Kindle off, flung it way to the other side of the bed, leaped out of bed, tore all my sheets off and marched out to the washing machine. The dogs who sleep in the laundry room both lay there like, “we aren’t going out this early, go back to bed lady”…but instead I threw my sheets in the washer and turned them on leaving the poor dogs to listen to the noise of the machine. Then I made a cup of tea and a skinny bagel for a fat lady, and hammered out this blog.

Sheets dry now, I’m going to go clean my room and when I rock Easton today, he could be putting me to sleep before I put him to sleep. Other days I expect to be exhausted and am just fine. I shouldn’t complain at all because many people are dealing with deadly diseases and I am whimpering about a little lost sleep but ??!!//? it’s maddening!

How I Cook A Turkey Dinner

I promised Sydney that I would write down how I cook a whole turkey dinner. Before the holidays are too distant I better keep my promise! Those of you older experienced cooks bear with me, I am no master chef or anything just a Mom with my own way of doing things over the years. Actually turkey is probably one of the easiest meals to cook, its just time consuming.

 

Three days before I plan to cook the turkey I buy the biggest (usually about 20-22lbs) turkey I can find and thaw him in the fridge for three days. I used to always buy a Butterball but after getting two in a row that were beaten up, I have been buying the Honeysuckle brand and like them.  I like to send leftovers home with the kids for sandwiches etc. so I get a big one.

Two days before a holiday, I clean my house and scrub my floors. The next day, one before a holiday, I spend it running my dinnerware through the dishwasher and dry them by hand. I also set my table, write and print my prayer and put it under my plate where I sit. Because I have a cat, I cover the whole table with a sheet. I also run a check list in my head or on paper, to see what I have forgotten and make a trip to the nearest store for Cool Whip or something, it never fails, that’s almost a given for me! I pull out a cooler and put bottles of water, soda and ice in it. I refrigerate my sparkling cider, which is a tradition at our house, or put that in the cooler as well. I bake my pies and make any salads that can be done ahead of time.

That evening ( the night before the holiday ) I peel a crock pot full of potatoes, and cover them completely with cold water and add a teas of salt. While I’m doing that I also sauté two onions and about four cups of celery in a stick and a half of butter on the stove top. When ingredients are translucent I turn it off, cover it and let it cool. I go to bed and toss and turn worrying about the alarm not going off.

About three AM or so, (allowing a half hour per pound cooking time plus I add a couple hours because I like my food overcooked rather than undercooked. Besides I like to have things ready when the company comes. I mix my stuffing in the roaster I am going to use to cook my turkey. I use about four boxes of Mrs. Cubbisons seasoned bread cubes, the onion and celery mixture I made the night before, and a box and a half or there about of heated (in the microwave) chicken broth ( I prefer Rachel Ray’s chicken broth). I add some salt, pepper and lots and lots of sage until it tastes good. Then I transfer it to a big bowl.

To the clean roaster I add some olive oil to the bottom. Then I wash my turkey in cool water rinsing the neck cavity and the body cavity really well. I throw away the giblets myself but a lot of people I know cook them for gravy stock. I one time I tried it I found little neck bones all over so I throw them. Next I pat the turkey dry with paper towels and plunk him (although its usually a her) in the roaster. I carefully stuff the turkey with dressing, using a big spoon. Just pack him full of dressing in his body and neck cavity. Wash your hand really well with soap and water when handling raw turkey so as not to cross contaminate anything when your finished, and in between as well! Then I butter his breast and legs with a paper towel, and salt and pepper him, before covering the whole bird with 2 big sheets of tin foil. I cook him on the center rack at 325 degrees until his legs move easily as if they’d come off without much effort, and he the timer has popped. You can also use a meat thermometer. Next I TURN ON MY CROCKPOT with the potatoes, setting it to high. DON’T FORGET! Last, I clean up my mess, and wipe the counter down with hilex water and go back to bed knowing I can sleep late because everything is cooking, the table is done etc. I get my best sleep then.

The morning of the holiday, I get up, get myself ready, put an apron over my clothes, turn on the holiday parade or football game and remove the sheet from the table. I check my crock pot of potatoes and turn it to low if they are done, or almost anyway. Then I make the relish tray, butter the lefse etc… or ask someone else to J .

Toward the end of the cooking time (like the last hour or so), I turn up the oven to 375 degrees or more and remove the foil so the breast of the turkey gets nice and brown. At that time I put the stuffing in the oven that didn’t fit in the turkey as well , and a big can of sweet potatoes with a cup of brown sugar over it. Because I don’t like to have chaos at the last minute… while the turkey is browning and it’s about an hour before company comes, I pour the water off the potatoes into a Dutch oven ( I will use the salted vitamin packed potato water for my gravy). I then mash the potatoes with cream, butter and a little salt. Once mashed, I return them to the crock pot, make a well in them and put in a pat of butter and leave them on warm until serving.

To the potato water in the Dutch oven I drain the juice from the turkey. You need help with this usually, as its heavy and HOT! Have someone hold the turkey from falling forward with a clean cloth, while you drain the drippings. I have a shaker that I add half and half and flour to. Like probably three or four table spoons of flour to a 1 1/2 cups of half and half. Stirring constantly, I add the thickening. When the gravy begins to boil you will know if its thick enough or not...if not make and add more thickening with half and half and flour. When gravy is at the desired thickness, I add salt and pepper to taste ( be careful with pepper as it sinks to the bottom). If it needs flavor you can use chicken bouillon, turkey gravy seasoning or more turkey drippings if its not too greasy. I then transfer my gravy to a smaller crock pot (yes, I am a crock pot queen) and keep it covered on warm or low.

Next, I take Mrs. Turkey out of the oven and scoop out the dressing, covering with tinfoil and put in the oven on low. I open a can or pkg of vegetables and get them cooking. I also top my sweet potatoes with marshmellows. Guests should be arriving about now asking what they can do. They can get drinks, get salads out of the fridge etc.

I always cut my turkey with an electric knife, only because that’s what my Mom did and its part of the holiday aire. It makes nice neat looking slices. Be careful with it though, being sure its unplugged etc. when messing with the blades.

Finally, as everyone gets seated, and the food is all on the table, I take off my apron, happy that everything is cooked and ready! I thank God silently and breathe a sigh of relief that I have loved ones to cook for near me, that we all get along and are close, and love each other so much.

I hope you can use this as a guideline and add your own touches to making your holiday meal. My Mom always wore an apron until it was time to eat therefore so I do, she used the electric knife therefore so do I! The crock pots I use are my own shortcut and I’m sure you will have your own ideas too, after you have forty years of cooking under your belt (in more ways than one haha), which is what your family will remember. Feel free to share ideas, as we can all learn from each other! Here’s to lots more great holiday dinners!

A Bicycle Built For Two

      Here it is, the first day of 2013. I remember when the year 2000 sounded like something out of Star Trek! My first blog of the year! I am dedicating this one to my daughter Sydney. Don’t let her beautiful face fool you …she has been through a lot in life! Last year she found herself in a state of shock and panic when she found out she was pregnant. Not ready for a baby, but not a believer in abortion and scared out of her mind, she pushed through a difficult pregnancy. She stopped smoking and drinking the day the test showed positive. She even monitored how much caffeine she was drinking from that point on. With every paycheck she bought bottles, breast pumps, toys and clothes in anticipation of the big day.

    I suffered with post partum depression back in 1979 and now Sydney has inherited some of the same tendencies. Being a single Mom the fears and responsibility for Easton are different and even worse for her than they were for me. While she was on maternity leave, she was made manager of the hair salon where she works. She will be great at it, but it’s all change and more on her plate that’s adding to her anxiety that you try not to treat when you breastfeed. To top it all off Easton is a colicky baby and keeps us all trying to find some way to help unwind him at night when he has his unhappy streak.

    Sydney, as you go back to your work full time tomorrow, this is what I want you to know. I am so proud of all the decisions you have made, even before Easton but especially since. I am keeping an eye on you and how you are feeling so things don’t get out of hand like they did with me. I will do what I can to help you as this new chapter writes itself. I will remind you that I have been through this and things got better. I will help you even when you don’t ask for it, and insist that you get your rest. I will spend as much time with Easton as I can. I will stay close to you because I know you need that reassurance right now. I can tolerate your fears and anxiety because I understand it. I’m not going to leave you alone in this no matter what! If we get snappy at each other which is bound to happen, it’s better than not communicating at all. Things don’t have to be perfect all the time. You are such a good Mom with a loving supportive family, who all love that little guy! We’re going to be fine.

     Easton has been such a little unforeseen blessing for all of us. It’s been said that, “all things worth having are worth fighting for”. Nothing could be more evident of that than my own grown children. The work, the worry, the pain when others mistreat them or they mistreat themselves is almost unbearable…but the joy, the love, the gratitude they give you back from a hard fought fight for them, is like no other blessing it this world. Yes raising kids takes work, it’s never perfect, you will make mistakes, but kids know if your authentic or not, if they are on the front burner or the back and respond accordingly. Picture a bicycle built for two. It’s you and Easton. Does he ride in the back or the front (this is not actually riding because that depends on how old he is, but just picture it for the sake of this analogy). Some would picture him behind you… you steering and him along for the ride. I prefer him in front of you trying to steer, but you secretly guiding, doing most of the peddling and keeping it between the lines. Put him ahead of yourself ( which you have already done by not smoking or not taking in anything that would harm him) so you can watch over him to the best of your ability, give him the best shot at life and do your best to keep him between the lines of life. When you hit a rough spot just keep peddling, you build up endurance that way! There will always be kids with more stuff, more opportunities etc than what you can provide, but not more love. Look at the bike again, this time picture me and you on the bike Syd. You are ahead of me, this time your doing all the peddling and I’m enjoying the ride, kicking in a few peddles here and there and coasting when I’m tired. Sound familar?  I love you Sydney.

 

    I am very happy to be a Grandmother, something that seemed a little out of place for me somehow at least right now. I expected it far in the future at the beginning of 2012. That was until I saw his little face, that was a game changer. Now if I am gone for a day, I miss that little guy.

     My hope for 2013 is more of what makes us all happy, less of what makes us stressed and sad, and to build on my relationship with my heavenly Father. Life is forever changing and evolving and it’s a wonderful ride! Happy New Year!

*bicycle picture above was from:
http://tjavant.en.ec21.com/Double_Bicycle_Double_Rider_Bicycle--3825856_3828189.html
 

Keep On the Sunnyside!

    Do you ever dwell on the negative happenings in your life until it dims the shine of all the blessings you live with every day? I do that. Many days I dwell on my health problems, such as my arthritis and lower back problems until it really zaps the joy from life. The other day it hit me, how often I let that happen.

     My Mom used to say, that when she opened her eyes in the morning and saw the sun coming through her bedroom window she always, “thanked God for another day”! I don't even do that...I just plant my stiff feet on the floor, and ooch and ouch my way to the bathroom  muttering in my head about how they hurt and disgusted that I can't take any advil anymore, and how mad at myself I am for allowing my weight problem to exasterbate the whole thing.

     Then, I fix my tea and toast (my favorite time of every day)! This is when I used to take my advil… three of them, so I could take the edge of my arthritis and do something. Now I have to tackle everything I do with the sheer willpower,  I manage to muster up. Lately my poor attitude has been fanning the flame of self pity.

     The other day I was driving out to see Stetson and listening to Laura Story's song, Blessings. I really soaked in the same lyrics I'd heard many times before. Later that week I heard a speaker say, “ what ever is bothering you, whether it's something benign like arthritis, or something deadly like cancer, is easier to handle if you change your attitude”! If we believe we have everlasting life, the years we spend in our earthly bodies are like a blip on the radar scale...because eternity has a long timeline!

      I resolved to find things every day that I'm thankful for. Small things like when you get a cart and all the wheels work, the moment of relief you feel after tripping and NOT falling this time, or how about when you are approaching a stoplight and you whiz right through! Then of course the huge overlooked everyday blessings such as health( whats a little arthritis?), music, laughter, books, family, children, second chances, air conditioning and warm fireplaces. But most of all  - those whose footprints are imprinted all over our lives.

So pick up your cross whatever that is,  and carry on! Life is so much sweeter when you, “keep on the sunny side, always on the sunny side….keep on the sunny side of life”!   

Sights and Smells of the Past

      How about some blasts from the past? The other day I was on facebook and saw a post from Jeanie Torres, about what smells do you remember from your past and I thought I could blog about sights and smells from the past. Which do you remember?

      The first one that came to my mind was Evening in Paris perfume. My Mom used it and I was one of those kids that got carsick about five minutes after getting in the car so I remember that smell VERY WELL! Not only was Mom was wearing it, and it seemed every hankerchief she pulled out of her purse when I was about to puke smelled like it had been soaked in that stuff! I have an old bottle of it but needless to say i don't sniff it too often!

       Another one I had an adversion to was Petrocarbo salve. Traveling Watkins salesman always had plenty of that to peddle and my Mom and Grandma used it for anything. Another icky one.

       Vicks vaporub was a pleasant one. I liked the smell and I liked the love  that came when it was rubbed on your chest and neck when you were sick. The wool sock pinned around your neck I could have lived without. Combine that with the Vicks sniffing stick that you breathed in and we were good to go, and a cure for what ailed us most of the time. I still use Vicks to this day!

       Tinture of Mertholate was sure to get you screaming in pain if the skinned knee or open skin was a big one. It worked better to paint my sister up like Big Chief Isodine I'd seen on tv. Mom wasn't impressed and chewed me out a bit, while using everything from alcohol to Vasaline to rub it off Kathy's face. But this stuff went on before any bandaid, much to our dismay! Thank God for the invention of triple antibiodic salve huh?

         Resinol, was an ointment with that Mom put on her dermatitis on her forehead and around her nose. It smelled like bacon and she wore it to bed everynight. I hated that smell.

 

      Juneberry trees, were a wonderful sight! They bloom in the spring and berries get ready in July. NO pie is better than Juneberry pie!

         The arroma from lilac bushes is wonderful! When our daughter Shelbey got married they were her reception flowers. The men in the family all went out to the farm and cut lilacs for her the morning of the wedding. They smelled so nice!

 

        Mom loved pussywillows even drying some once and spraying them with fixative. The little furry buds are called catkins.

       Crocus flowers seem to magically appear right after the snow drifts disappear on praire land. We loved to pick crocus flowers and find the prettiest little juice glass Mom had to stuff the furry stems in. We wont mention all the little black bugs that come crawling out from nowhere!

 

      Bleeding hearts, were one of my Mom's favorite flowers. She had some tractor tires, cut in half, painted black and white, and layed up against her little farmhouse. She loved to take us on a tour of her flowers, pointing them all out by name. There were always johnny jump ups, pansys, tiger lillies and bleeding hearts.

 

       Inside the house Mom always had a cactus bowl. She always enjoyed spending time in Arizona, and this was her way of bringing a little bit of Arizona home to North Dakota. She was like I am and loved both places. 

        I'm sure you have some I have forgotton. What sights and smells do you remember from your past?

You Might Be From ND If....

      Have you ever watched the TV show Swamp People, riding along with alligator hunters in Cajun country? They all have a dialect and way of speaking that makes the show so much fun to watch. I am also really taken in with how happy they are just to live a simple life on the swamp, with family and few friends. North Dakota living was a simple, quiet life back when in the fifties and sixties too.

       I am an Arizona resident now, transplanted from North Dakota and there is no where I'd have rather been from. I love the North and I love the South and the East and West for that matter. I don't understand people who have to be all one or the other, and put down people from different parts of the country. I find it particularly humerous that those that have the most negative to say about the Midwest, couldn't fix a flat tire if they had too, or much else for that matter. They would be "city slickers" and viewed by ND natives as in need of some help,( and they'd be the first to help you out). What you know and how you speak is all about what you've been exposed to.  Everywhere you live has good and bad. Some of my favorite memories about North Dakota is the dialects, accents and even more...the euphemisms and metaphors we use in funny ways. Some of my favorite sayings we used and still use at times are:

There's too many Chiefs and not enough Indians ( some would scream racist these days but...) Mom used this one a lot,  to insinuate that theres to many bosses and not enough workers.

A bird in the hand is worth two the the bush

Dark as a sack of black cats

Dumb as a box of rocks

Whatever pulls your plow

Haven't seen her for a "month of Sundays"

He's a tall drink of water

Your barn doors open

Gotta talk to a man about a horse

Uglier than a mud fence

That's as scarce as hens' teeth

Slick as a whistle

I could run circles around her

Poor as a church mouse

Blind as a bat

Slept like a theif in a horsebarn(one I use all the time)

Don't get your shorts in a bind

She has him tied to her apron strings

Read between the lines

Turn the tables on them

Sick as a dog

Slower than molasses in January

Whet my whistle

He's got some "clodhoppers" on

Crazy as a loon

Drinks like a fish

Lies like a rug

Sharp as a tack

Down in the dumps

Quiet as a mouse

Don't go "Shootin' off your mouth"

Cut a rug

Naked as a jay bird

Worthless as tits on a Nun (that ones bad but gotta own it)

Uncomfortable as a whore in church

Snug as a bug in a rug

Kept us in stitches

Sweatin' bullets

Make hay while the sun shines

If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all

         My sister's children all grew up here in Phoenix, so her Grand kids call us on our silly way of speaking. Nyah especially, Heather and Jim's oldest daughter. When she was only two years old,  we went to Bismark for Shelbeys' wedding party and stopped at a gas station along the way. She asked her Grandma Marcy, "What are we doing here?" Marcy said, "Oh we're just stretching our legs". We all burst out laughing when we saw her little hands on the van,  full out stretching like a runner, because she took it literally! Another time she noticed I had a skinned knee and ask, "what happened to your knee Pam"? And I said," Oh, I banged it on something...". She came back with, "no you didn't bang it, you bumped it"!

            A lot of people from here probably think we are swamp people when we start spewing out all our silly sayings, but some are cleaver and colorful. We had a lot of humor in our surroundings. My Dad would come in from doing chores and say, "It's a nice morning this morning, but it were as nice a morning this morning as it was yesterday morning, it would be a really nice morning this morning"!  Or whenever we sat down at the table to eat supper,  my Dad would say, "The one who eats the fastest gets the most"!
           One of my Uncles, Dewey Jarmin, was hilarious and always had a good story. When Clarence and Gordon Alvstad visited, they "kept us all in stitches" around the kitchen table and a pot of coffee. My Dad's cousin Elmer even in his nineties is full of jokes and silly commentary.  I wrote this particular blog entry so I  don't forget a lot of them, and to write them down for the kids. Oh and.... maybe bring a smile to some faces. Add to my list of you think of some, I'd love you to.

Where's The Roundup When You Need It?

Do you ever dwell on the relatively few negative happenings in your life until it dims the shine of all the blessings we all live with every day? I do that.We all have weeds in our garden of flowers in one way or the other. But when you look at the garden, and the weeds are all that's grabbing your attention and overwhelming you... something needs to change!  Many days I dwell on my health problems, such as my arthritis and lower back problems. It's hard not to when everything hurts and every step you take is painful. It really zaps the joy from life. The other day the idea struck me that I need to work on rising above it; see more flowers and downplay the weeds. 

My Mom used to say, that when she opened her eyes in the morning and saw the sun coming through her bedroom window she always, "thanked God for another day". She was such a lover of nature. She loved birds, flowers, beaver dams, animals...any of it. I don't do that. I just plant my stiff feet on the floor, and ooch and ouch my way to the bathroom, muttering to myself how they hurt and how disgusted  I am that I can't take any Advil or anything.

After letting my dogs out, I drink my tea, (my bright spot of every day). This is when I used to take my Advil, three of them, so I could take the edge of my arthritis and do something. Now I have to tackle everything I do with sheer will power and my poor attitude is fanning the flame of self pity.

The other day I was driving out to see Stetson and listening to Laura Story's song, Blessings. I took in the lyrics I'd heard many times before, they come from I Thessalonians 5:16-18. Later that week I heard Pastor Mark say, what ever is bothering you, whether it's something benign like arthritis or something deadly like cancer, is easier to handle if you realize that this body is not the one we're stuck with for eternity. If we believe we have everlasting life, the years we spend in our bodies here are like a blip on the radar scale...because eternity is a long time. I was happy with that news...cuz I got the short end of the stick,  when it came to a body.

So, I have been working on finding things every day that I'm thankful for. Of course there are all the huge obvious things...the ones you have ready when its your turn on Thanksgiving day to say what your thankful for. Things like God, family, friends, health, and the food in front of us.

I decided to look instead for the not so obvious, the hidden blessings, like when you pick a shopping cart and all the wheels work! Getting a good one is a little like the lottery... it's stacked against you! You'd look pretty silly making a test run outside the store, and even if you did, once inside all the wheels would be heading in different directions clacking along from aisle to aisle anyway. I never know if I need to apologize for subjecting oncoming shoppers to the racket of my squealing cart, or the fact that I'm coming down the aisle sideways! So a good cart is a small blessing that makes your day for sure!

I have loved to go to second hand stores for many years! I used to pick a day, even when I lived in Minot, to make the rounds to the area second hand stores whose proceeds benefit people in need. In Minot, the Restore store benefits the mentally ill ( my passion), the Salvation Army (helps the poor) and also has a CEO with a regular wage rather than a six figure one, the Dakota Boys Ranch(helps young troubled boys). They are all fun places to go. Here in Arizona, I like the Goodwill stores. They are clean and in good neighborhoods over here on the East side of town. I really enjoy finding an old treasure. I collect old brooches, and I have a collection of Little Golden books, but i have caught my limit on those... as they are heavy and I had to move them once already. We have some great antique shops here in Arizona too! So Goodwill stores/antique shops are another hidden blessing for me, who likes give myself a day to wander through them, and for whom the proceeds benefit. Another blessing in my life!

My horse is a huge blessing. He has been acting up the last couple months, just being really stubborn and acting crazy. I started getting depressed and really in a funk about how old I am. I feel like an, "old lady with a young horse", and he's too much horse for me. Inside you feel the same age as you always were. The logical thing is to
                             A. Sell him, and either replace him with a deadhead that's got one foot in the grave                   
                             B. Get in better physical shape weight wise myself although the back and  arthritis is still there          
                              C. Get a rocking horse for the living room.

 I actually even showed him to some people who were interested in him. I cried all day. Syd went with to meet the prospective buyers. They wanted him, but Syd (bless her heart), ran up beside me when I was turning him out and said, "Mom your not ready to sell him, and neither am I. I don't like horses that much, but he loves you you can see that... and you love him". I decided shes right...I'm not ready to sell him, my life has a completeness to it with him in it! He's an 1100 lb small blessing, as are our chihuahuas and Bentley the human cat. Nobody is going anywhere at the moment.

I'm happy that Kerry and I have weathered the strong hurricane winds that blew through our marriage the last few years. We have both looked at the rubble around us more than once, and wondered if it was worth rebuilding, because there have always been weak spots even before the storm hit. I've never been able to see myself without him, I've loved him since I was about sixteen. Like the horse problem,  he's alot of donkey for me at times, and I have my less than stellar behavior myself too, so we keep going. Some days we fight like pitbulls and other days it's still pretty entertaining and good to have someone in you're corner and he's always been in my corner when it comes down to it.

We all have weeds in our life don't we? Weeds are resistant, hard to kill, and some of us are pretty good at over fertilizing our weed environment besides. Seems we get rid of one patch of weeds,  and another pops up! Same with problems and trials in our lives. If we look over our flowers and only see the weeds... we are missing alot of beauty. What can we do but work  at it? We must keep on picking weeds before they take over the whole garden. Pluck them from our life one by one, and and in the meantime focus on the flowers because as the song goes, "What if the trials of this life, are mercies in disguise"?

Desiderata

This is one of my favorite poems. I have it on a book mark and read it often. It was written in 1920, the year my Mom was born by Max Ehrmann.

Max Ehrmann was born in Terre Haute, Indiana, on September 16, 1872. His parents were German immigrants. Ehrmann graduated from DePauw University in Greencastle in 1894, after which he studied law and philosophy at Harvard University.

Ehrmann returned to Terre Haute to practice law, following which (early 1900's) he began writing,  obsessively. Max Ehrmann was known as the 'Poet Laureate' of Terre Haute.

Ehrmann wrote many poems, although none became well known until after his death. He died never knowing people eventually loved his poetry. Aside from Desiderata his most famous poem is A Prayer, written in 1906.

Max Ehrmann originally copyrighted Desiderata in 1927 as 'Go Placidly Amid The Noise And Haste'. The copyright number was 962402, dated 3rd January.

Ehrmann included Desiderata in a Christmas message to his friends in 1933, and significantly never added any copyright notice, a factor which featured strongly in legal considerations in the 1970's about Desiderata copyright (more below).

US Army psychiatrist Merill Moore wrote in 1942 to Ehrmann that he used the Desiderata poem in his therapy work, and also wrote to Ehrmann in 1944 suggesting that the poem should be bottled and sold as 'Dr Ehrmann's Magic Soul Medicine'. Communications between Moore and Ehrmann featured strongly in legal considerations in the 1970's about Desidarata copyright (more below).

Max married Bertha three months before his death in 1945. Bertha Scott King Ehrmann was from New York; she graduated from Smith College, wrote, taught, and published a book called The Worth of a Girl. Three months after Max Ehrmann's death, Bertha published four of his books.

Max Ehrmann's widow Bertha published the Desiderata poem with some other of his work in 1948, in a collection titled The Poems Of Max Ehrmann. She re-renewed the Desiderata copyright in 1948 and 1954.

Bertha Ehrmann died in 1962, upon which the copyright ownership passed to her nephew Richmond Wight. Wight later sold the copyright for an undisclosed amount to Crescendo Publishing Company in 1975.  

All this information about the poem came from a site called http://www.businessballs.com/ , I am not claiming it as my own research. I just find it such a tragedy that he never knew what an impact his thoughts had on so many people.

I love the poem its my favorite...and thought I would share with some facts about the man behind it.

You Are What You Eat

 

You are what you eat right? Isn’t that good reason to blame Paula Deen for having type 2 diabetes?  I mean only overweight people get that therefore,   if you get that disease…hey, it’s your own fault!  Besides that, she had it for three years before revealing that she had been diagnosed with it, making her a real villain! She continued to make old fashioned comfort food with butter and cream, and taking people’s money  as if she was,  “poisoning the public” with her high calorie, high fat and high sugar recipes ?  Paula Deen the villain of the day!

In my estimation, this is just one more thing the public needs to mind their own business about. What was she supposed to do?  Should she have walked out of the Drs. office and told the world she had diabetes before she even knew what that meant for her, and how she was going to control her disease? People would have been swarming around; blaming her just, like they are now and she would have no time to even have any thought out answers. I think she handled her news exactly as she should have. Get herself on medication, a carb restricted diet and invested in a treadmill. She is not responsible for the rest of America’s cholesterol numbers, glucose numbers or any other heath issue. It is up to every person to know their own health risks and numbers. Is Paula Deen’s cooking going to stop the obesity problem in this country…hell no!

She has always taken the position of all things in moderation. You can still eat cake and even yummy Paula Deen cake, as long as it’s counted as carbs and calories.  She has said many times she does not eat everything she cooks all day, every day even herself. Stress plays a huge part in diabetes numbers and I believe acquiring diabetes in the first place, as does genetics.

 Thin people have diabetes just like the overweight, thin people die of heart attacks and strokes too believe it or not.  I don’t dispute the fact that being overweight and eating poorly increases the chance that you get one of those but if you are lucky enough to live long enough eventually…. you will get something no matter what you do. When you’re fat however everything is your own fault. It’s still ok to hate fat people in this country and be superior to them. It's the last socially excepted prejudice.  Watch Bridesmaids…funny, funny movie but most of the humor was "fat girl humor", my personal favorite(scarcasm alert).

I am probably biased because I have always been a huge Paula Deen fan and a fat girl. I remember the first day I watched Paula cook something…and found her personality so fun, so next door comfortable, and have always thought she was an absolutely beautiful lady. She has overcome anxiety disorder that " ain't no easy task"!  It seems everything the public builds up... it tears down, so now I guess it’s time to pick on her. Why can’t people just let people be people?  If you don’t like calorie dense Paula Deens cooking don’t buy her cookbooks, it’s that simple. We really don’t need to crucify her!

 Andy Rooney once said, (and this is not a direct quote, but) something like two of the biggest sections in the bookstores are cookbooks… right next to the diet section telling you not to eat.  People make a big deal out of very thing it seems! So, if we are what we eat…I say avoid fruits and nuts, cuz there seems to be an abundance of them already!

 

A Left Over Ham Sandwich And A Blog

          The halls have been decked, I was pretty darn jolly, I wore all my gayest apparel (even ask the kids ha). There's left over ham in the fridge (minus the piece on the sandwich I'm eating), and Christmas is over fa la la la la! If you're like me you have a lot of anticipation about Christmas early on. The day after Thanksgiving, I was decorating my tree and listening to Christmas music. I even downloaded some new songs…loved the new Michael Buble and Shania Twain’s version of White Christmas (oops a little ADD there). But I had a fun month of getting ready for Christmas.

           By the twenty first of December though, I start stressing full throttle. I have practiced this Christmas tradition for many years so I'm really good at it! Am I going to get all done? Do I have the same amount of gifts, value wise and number wise for the people coming to Christmas Eve? I start thinking of what I’m cooking, and whether I have all the ingredients for sure? Ice, oh ya, ice, for the drinks cooler, Cool Whip for the pie…darn I forgot that…and my car, do I have gas in it to go to church? I do, but I have to clean out all the junk out in the far back seat, so people can sit way back there. I can think of more stuff to stress about, than you have time to read!

          The blessed day arrives on the 24^th  when everyone gets here, the food is all in the oven, and we are ready to go to church. This year we went an hour early to church because theres 5000 members at the new Mission we go to; that’s a lot of people already, besides all the extra family they would bring. I knew it would fill up fast and I didn’t want to sit in overflow, so we went that early. I justify to the kids, you stand in line for a concert so it's about time we stand in line for church. They were happy campers about it, everyone just visited and it went by fast. Shortly after I sat down, I started thinking about my scalloped potatoes bubbling over and starting a fire, or smoking up the house, (I am so much like my Mom sometimes, I can’t believe it myself).  I forgot we'd be standing there an hour...so we'd be gone two hours rather than an hour. Other years we've gone for one hour and the potatoes are just getting to the bubbling over stage when we get home. Sitting there, I reason with myself next…. I did put a cookie sheet under them... just in case they bubbled over...they should be fine...don't let that destract you.  


          The service was amazing as I expected, but I won’t lie, I thought about those potatoes twenty or twenty five times at least!  With my car full of talkative, spirit filled kids, we drove home. I was rather quiet consummed with potato thoughts. I crossed the railroad tracks. Secretly, I was glad to see no billowing smoke in the direction of my house…and pulling into the yard the tree was lit and the lights were clear and shining. Whew…doesn’t look smokey in there…and once inside it smelled good, like Christmas Eve should...thank you God! They had bubbled over onto the cookie sheet and looked perfectly brown and delicious!

          I enjoyed every single minute of the two days of Christmas with the kids…the gifts, the games, the prayers the laughter, and the joking.  When everyone went home and the door closed, the door closed on Christmas too in my mind, and you know what?  I’m ready for it. I feel good about how it went, I felt happiness about having the kids go home with new sheets for their beds, and some other things they each needed. I’m thankful God provides for our needs… and some wants as well.

          So now what? I shrink at the idea of New Year’s resolutions. I’m not very good at those; matter of fact admitting I have one to anyone, has proven to be a sure recipe for disaster! I do better if I think small and try and build on that. Last year I started this blog because of some books I got from Kathy, (my sister) and her kids. She sent me a book called and And She Sparkled, knowing I’d had a rough last few years.

         I did a lot of things last year to change some things that I was in control of that were bothering me…I finished my bathroom, I redid the laundry room and the pantry, took more classes, and  moved myself up on the page of people I take care of.  Best of all, I GOT A HORSE AGAIN…and Stetson has brought me back to my authentic, real self I was before marriage and kids. I got my Dad’s saddle oiled and redone at Brays Saddlery in Minot, ND., and what joy I get riding in it, and seeing it daily. Don't read into this that im going back to horse shows and barrell racing I'm not that delusional ... just riding for fun.  

         When I say start small with our goals, I mean start small. We don’t need to set ourselves up to be another Mother Teresa. We weren’t all meant to accomplish all that!  She didn’t have a family of her own. We are called to do what we can, where we can. Maybe we can start by simply redefining what richness is? Some of the richest people in the world are those that invest in family and love.  You can do the most good in the world starting with your own family, and circling out from there. I really believe that. There is a saying that is one of my favorites…I have it on a shirt that goes:

One hundred years from now

It won't matter

What kind of car I drove

What kind of house I lived in

How much money I had in the bank

Or what my clothes looked like

BUT

The world may be a little better

Because, I was important

In the life of a child.

             It’s so true. The real lasting difference is one we can make in childrens lives. How we parent, teach or befriend a child, will affect what kind of parents, teachers and caretakers they will be to the next generation. Of course, I know this is simplified, but I really like it. I also urge you to include yourself on the list, and wish kind things for yourself when you’re working on that radiating circle of love for everyone else.

                I have no big new plans for 2012 other than to keep doing what I am doing.  Living an examined life, not taking  my life or the life of those around me for granted, enjoying new experiences with my family and friends, get more involved at the mission and take time to relax my mind and body (relaxing my mind is almost next to impossible… big task).

             I did not accomplish my weight loss goal again last year, and if I have any regrets in my life it’s that I can’t get that obstacle in my rear view mirror and keep it there!  I’m mad at myself for that, that I let one more year go by being a fat person. I have given so much of my life to that. It’s not about vanity for me, it’s about health.  I have no idea how I’m going to accomplish it again this year,  but when I think of riding my horse and balancing 100 pounds of dog food or something up there I think, oh my gosh, how much better and how much less effort it would take for me to ride if I dumped the dang dog food!  Will that thought be enough to make me do it, I don’t know, I wish I could assure you it would. But, if I  am going to really treat myself like I would other people, I’d say don’t let your past define your future and keep trying, so that’s my plan for me too. I’m going to keep working on Stetson too, he has made so much progress in the last few months and I hope next year I can victoriously claim that he’s  a well broke horse now and take pride in all my work with him, and that I dumped the dog food along the way ha.

                I think it’s time we get ready for a great start to a New Year! I’m planning to pack up the Christmas cds and break out Auld Lang Syne, buy some sparkling cider and wish you all a Happy New Year!