Tuesday, January 1, 2013

A Bicycle Built For Two

      Here it is, the first day of 2013. I remember when the year 2000 sounded like something out of Star Trek! My first blog of the year! I am dedicating this one to my daughter Sydney. Don’t let her beautiful face fool you …she has been through a lot in life! Last year she found herself in a state of shock and panic when she found out she was pregnant. Not ready for a baby, but not a believer in abortion and scared out of her mind, she pushed through a difficult pregnancy. She stopped smoking and drinking the day the test showed positive. She even monitored how much caffeine she was drinking from that point on. With every paycheck she bought bottles, breast pumps, toys and clothes in anticipation of the big day.

    I suffered with post partum depression back in 1979 and now Sydney has inherited some of the same tendencies. Being a single Mom the fears and responsibility for Easton are different and even worse for her than they were for me. While she was on maternity leave, she was made manager of the hair salon where she works. She will be great at it, but it’s all change and more on her plate that’s adding to her anxiety that you try not to treat when you breastfeed. To top it all off Easton is a colicky baby and keeps us all trying to find some way to help unwind him at night when he has his unhappy streak.

    Sydney, as you go back to your work full time tomorrow, this is what I want you to know. I am so proud of all the decisions you have made, even before Easton but especially since. I am keeping an eye on you and how you are feeling so things don’t get out of hand like they did with me. I will do what I can to help you as this new chapter writes itself. I will remind you that I have been through this and things got better. I will help you even when you don’t ask for it, and insist that you get your rest. I will spend as much time with Easton as I can. I will stay close to you because I know you need that reassurance right now. I can tolerate your fears and anxiety because I understand it. I’m not going to leave you alone in this no matter what! If we get snappy at each other which is bound to happen, it’s better than not communicating at all. Things don’t have to be perfect all the time. You are such a good Mom with a loving supportive family, who all love that little guy! We’re going to be fine.

     Easton has been such a little unforeseen blessing for all of us. It’s been said that, “all things worth having are worth fighting for”. Nothing could be more evident of that than my own grown children. The work, the worry, the pain when others mistreat them or they mistreat themselves is almost unbearable…but the joy, the love, the gratitude they give you back from a hard fought fight for them, is like no other blessing it this world. Yes raising kids takes work, it’s never perfect, you will make mistakes, but kids know if your authentic or not, if they are on the front burner or the back and respond accordingly. Picture a bicycle built for two. It’s you and Easton. Does he ride in the back or the front (this is not actually riding because that depends on how old he is, but just picture it for the sake of this analogy). Some would picture him behind you… you steering and him along for the ride. I prefer him in front of you trying to steer, but you secretly guiding, doing most of the peddling and keeping it between the lines. Put him ahead of yourself ( which you have already done by not smoking or not taking in anything that would harm him) so you can watch over him to the best of your ability, give him the best shot at life and do your best to keep him between the lines of life. When you hit a rough spot just keep peddling, you build up endurance that way! There will always be kids with more stuff, more opportunities etc than what you can provide, but not more love. Look at the bike again, this time picture me and you on the bike Syd. You are ahead of me, this time your doing all the peddling and I’m enjoying the ride, kicking in a few peddles here and there and coasting when I’m tired. Sound familar?  I love you Sydney.

    I am very happy to be a Grandmother, something that seemed a little out of place for me somehow at least right now. I expected it far in the future at the beginning of 2012. That was until I saw his little face, that was a game changer. Now if I am gone for a day, I miss that little guy.

     My hope for 2013 is more of what makes us all happy, less of what makes us stressed and sad, and to build on my relationship with my heavenly Father. Life is forever changing and evolving and it’s a wonderful ride! Happy New Year!

*bicycle picture above was from:

1 comment:

  1. yes we all go thru lots in our lives. I went thru about the same type of being an early Grandma, and I am so glad that my son, his wife now and two grandson's later that life works out for the best and both of them have seen alot in their times together, as Clay is 13 now and Carson is 8 . So here we are proud as can be. I am happy for you also Pam.